The Coffee Song

When I was a kid, that would be two months ago, I used to think coffee was cool. Like ambrosia - the drink of the gods. The gods were grownups of course. Clearly I was naive on all levels.

While other kids were not allowed to drink stuff like coke, glue and alcohol, I was not allowed to drink coffee. For a 6 year old kid (real age this time), I guess it makes a whole lot of sense. Coffee was like black gold. It smelled rich and smoky and very very grown-up. I remember the rarer nights my dad would stir a mug of coffee - 1 part coffee, 6 part sugar, 1 part water and no milk. I’m not kidding - there was that much sugar in his cup. It came in instant granules courtesy of Nescafe. Watery maybe but it smelled so good and I didn’t know any better. Sometimes I would steal sips from his mug. It tasted creamy, sweet and slick - actually too sweet - which is probably why i liked it then.

Today, coffee and I? oh we’ve got a mutual thang going on. I still love the smell. I love it in my tiramisu but I hate drinking it. It’s a necessary evil. It’s the secret to my 4000 word essay (which is still not done by the way) and it has saved me so many times on countless presentations and assignments. It never turned out to be that way of course. Coffee used to put me to sleep. The trick is to stay awake during the 30 minute to 1 hour window before it starts kicking in and the fun begins.

Your heart races so fast and adrenaline pumps so hard as you punch each keys frantically, wondering if your heart might give out any moment now and crap, am I even close to the word limit? Kinda fun. Like bungee jumping. Except without the bungee or the jumping. Okay so kinda like running in front of a moving train. That would be fun.

So as you know I have a 4000 word essay for World Issues and the progress of which I am way too ashamed to admit the real word count at this point. Trust me, I am not kidding. What’s worse is that I have run out for coffee. COFFEE FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE! Anticipating that I will panic for two hours right about now, I ran out to the supermarket to get some more this afternoon and they ran out of Nescafe. Yes I drink instant coffee. *GASP* Holy mother of foal, I drink INSTANT COFFEE!!1! So where was I? oh right yes. Nescafe - not here. The reason why i drink it is because they taste the least like coffee ‘coffee’. I was about to tempt fate with real coffee - none of that fancy mochiattocinno fluff from organic white coffee. The real stuff you know.

INSTANT ESPRESSO.

 

………..Or what the locals call Kopi-Oh.

 

Hmmm manly. I figured they’d probably have 50 times the caffeine to compensate for taste. Still, i think i still have kind of a respect for my tongue and chose not to. For my overall body, however, is a different story. BUT I NEED COFFEE!! ANYTHING TO KEEP ME AWAKE FOR THE NEXT 8 HOURS AND STOP ME FROM TYPING IN ALL CAPS. ANYTHING!!!1!!!!!

Which is why i bought Red Bull. Did you know that it’s not made of bull’s testicles? Yeah…. me neither. Considering 4 people died from drinking it, it’s not that much of a surprise that it’s just pure sugary caffeine in a can - and that I drank the entire can. It tastes like cheap bubblegum that you can buy 2 for 1,000 rupiah from the corner store a few houses away from my grandma’s. 3 if you smiled really sweetly. I actually researched about Red Bull first before I took a sip and wager my life away over a bloody can of diluted Speed-lite. After all it is a stimulant that pumps taurine, an amino acid, that they does some funky stuff to your brain. They put that stuff in baby milk powder in Singapore so they can breed super geniuses. Go figure.

And it works. I am insanely restless. My heart is pounding in a way that screams I have effectively shaved off another 10 years off my life expectancy so screw you, Elloelle. Screw you!

Damn that Red Bull - It can steal your soul.